Blogging/documenting everything in our family life takes a ridiculous amount of time. I take so many photos that I'm regularly running out of space on my phone, my laptop, and even my external hard drives. I've bought some cloud storage for extra backup. Sometimes I only have an hour or 2 at night after Nolan goes to sleep and before I have to go to sleep and I spend it editing photos, writing, blogging when I could be cleaning, working out, doing home projects, etc.
Why do I spend so much time doing this? I often wonder. I have no idea who even reads this, but it doesn't really matter (although feel free to say hi every once in a awhile!). The blog is mostly for me. For a number of reasons. One is obvious - that I want something to look back on once this season of my life is over. Everyone keeps telling you to enjoy this time, that it "goes so fast" and "you blink and they are in college" which can overwhelming. I mean, obviously, there's nothing you can do... you can't slow down time! I'll be the first to admit that my memory isn't the greatest so it makes one worried that it will all become a blur as it whizzes by and you'll be left wondering what just happened. I've already fallen into the trap of underestimating to friends with newborns how quickly things get easier, yet when I read back I realize it wasn't as quick as I remembered. I'm already fuzzy! I'm already reading back to my pregnancy and newborn posts and filled with nostalgia. So, the first, and obvious reason is that this blog is for selfish reasons so I can relive and reminisce whenever I feel like it.
The other reason is more guarded and much deeper and emotional. I am much more aware than the average person of my own mortality and how every day is not guaranteed. I still feel a hesitance when speaking of longterm plans or visualizing my life in the far future. Because, who knows what will happen? Who knows if I'll even be around to do any of those plans? I think about this more than I like to admit. Of course, I hope that I am privileged enough to live a long and full life, but... if somehow that is not in the cards, I want to leave behind a gift. It is hard to think about, but at this age if something happened to me, Nolan would have virtually no memory of me as he grows up. Most people can recall their first memories from maybe age 3 or so. If he ever wondered what I was like, or what times were like as a baby growing up with his mom and dad, all he'd have to do is look here when he got older and everything would be right there for him. All my words, thoughts, joys, and not-so-joys would be laid out in black and white right here. I hope it'd be painstakingly clear how much he was loved and cherished by our family always. It's a gift I'd want if I was left behind.
So there it is. Maybe not something that your average 30-something-mom thinks about, but it's what I think about because of what I've lived through. I know how cherished and invaluable words and photos are to others after we pass. Hopefully the blog will serve more the purpose of the first reason and not the second reason (at least not for a long, LONG time). But it makes me feel better knowing my words/feelings are documented and will (hopefully) stand the test of time just in case. Don't go anywhere, blogger... ok?
Good post.
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