One Month of Fatherhood

One month has passed since Nolan has come into our lives and it has without question been the most rewarding month of my life. While you can read on and on about preparing for fatherhood, nothing can come close to the actual experience. Now I admit Kate is doing most of the heavy lifting with regards to taking care of Nolan, but it hasn't been easy for me either.

I usually start my day around 6:30am spending the first hour or so getting ready for work and then I don't get home until about 6pm. This was my routine before Nolan came into the picture as well. The tough part is how I spend those 10+ hours away from Nolan. Pictures like this one that Kate sends me on a daily basis certainly make it even tougher.

Because of this I can't help but feel slightly guilty. It's like I'm not 100% committed to my job, but also not 100% committed to Nolan. Otherwise I wouldn't spend my days at work wondering what Nolan is doing or eagerly anticipating getting home so that I can hold him in my arms. I'm sure it will get easier, but I don't know if that feeling of guilt will entirely go away. Time will tell I guess. But for now I have to accept the fact that while I like my job, I love my son and work has become more of a means to an end than it ever has before. The "end" in this case is the moment I step foot into our home and see Nolan and mommy and Dean hanging out together. It makes me happy and envious at the same time. Throughout the course of the day all I can think about is how great it will be when I get home and the moment I do my heart fills up with joy. It is the same joy I see in Kate's eyes day in and day out. 

At the end of the day, all of the difficulties that I have encountered while adjusting to this new way of life pales in comparison to the absolute happiness I feel every time I look into that boy's eyes. He is my purpose. I do feel truly blessed to have such a wonderful family to call my own and I can't wait to experience the many ups (and downs) that are yet to come.